You know when you were young and you always said I can't have kids cause what if they throw up? Or I can't have kids because I can't give birth! Or the biggest one for me...I can't have kids because what if they get hurt and bleed!? After all if I get a paper cut I get woozy. Call it luck, survival mode, or the Lord blessing me but somehow I have gotten through all three of those things (not without a lot of tears shed though). Today was the hardest most guilt filled day of my whole mommy hood.
We have a routine every morning, aside from Liam creeping into my bed to play on my phone while Colt and I snooze a little longer. I go upstairs, Colt goes in his highchair, I feed Hendrix, then make breakfast (and try to sneak a quick uninterrupted potty break while Colt is strapped in).
Well this morning went as usual except it was pouring rain and since Hendrix usually eats on the porch I brought his dishes in and just set them in the kitchen. I ran to the bathroom and on my way back to the dining room I heard "Hendrix you're not supposed to eat in here" then the most awful growling barking and screaming I have ever heard that keeps replaying over and over in my head.
I ran in to find a frantic Hendrix, confused Colt, and Liam with blood all over his face.
I opened up the back door and Hendrix ran out with his tail between his legs, he knew he was in trouble. Liam had tried to be helpful and move Hendrix food outside but instead Hendrix had food aggression and attacked Liam, which has never happened before.
I grabbed a dish towel and threw it on Liams head. The next ten minutes were a bit of a blur and I have never shook so hard in my life, other than in labor. I some how managed to dial Josh and screaming bloody murder said "Liam is bleeding, I'm going to the hospital." Without hesitation he left the job site and headed to the dr without knowing what was going on. Then I dialed my mom she could barely understand me but also hopped into her car and was there faster than I thought humanly possible.
I took Liam down stairs and he was very scared, I think he was in shock so much that he was pale and not crying anymore. I laid him on my bed while I quick and changed his diaper, threw shoes on him, and the first thing I could reach for clothes for myself.
I grabbed his dog, his blankets, binky, and jacket as we ran out of the house. Bless my sweet Mom for coming to my rescue and watching Colt, who was still strapped in and giggling.
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| Trying to snap a quick picture and Liam said Cheese! Haha |
When I called the clinic and told them I was coming they said Dr Witt was too busy to see him but another Dr could
Liam was silent the whole way there, he did ask once if the Dr would make him feel better.
I ran into the clinic carrying Liam while he held the towel to his face.
I ran into the clinic carrying Liam while he held the towel to his face.
When we got inside Liam saw the fish tank, his favorite, and said in a whimpering voice "Hi fishies", It seriously broke my heart and made me smile all at once.
Liam was a little sad when he couldn't see Dr Witt but when we were trying to decide which route to take as far as closing it up with we had Dr Witt come take a look at him, since I would trust him with my life. Their biggest worry was if we did stitches Liam would most likely need to be sedated and they would have to send us to primary children's, which we were OK with other than the fact it would cost an arm and a leg and they warned us that its a wait to get into the ER. After talking about it for a while we decided to have it glued, which the Dr's think it will scar better this way anyways.
They took Liam back into a special injury room on a big table and he was so cute every time the nurse would say what she was about to do he would say "why?" He was surprisingly very happy and smiley. They put some numbing gel on it so that they wouldn't have to do a shot. He held very still and the doctor asked him some questions, I think he was still in shock because he had to think hard and his answers we crazy. Like "what is your favorite color?" Liam: "Ice cream".
Then came the worst part...
Then came the worst part...
They had to put a little funnel over the cut and spray it out with water. Josh held a cloth against his eyes to keep the water out, and I held Liam's hands and put some weight on his legs to keep him from flailing. I don't know if it hurt so much or if he was freaked out having the cloth over his eyes and every time he'd move it water would drench his whole face. The cute nurse finally said "Liam after this you get to have a Popsicle, what color do you want" without hesitation Liam wanted blue and as soon as they glued it shut he got his Popsicle. Several nurses talked to him on his way out and said "you are so brave" and he said "ya, I am." He also got a Thomas the train sticker and a sucker, which counted as the breakfast he missed. He keeps telling me that the doctors hands were really cold.
The whole morning was emotionally draining. But a whole other wave of emotion hit me as soon as I left the doctors. Guilt. Guilt that I wasn't in the room to prevent it, guilt that I put Hendrix and Liam in a situation like that. Guilt that my sweet baby boys face has a huge gape in it. Then came the sinking feeling about what to do about Hendrix. Will it happen again? Is he getting grumpy or was it just a bad day? Do I have to give him up? He is a family member. He lays on the floor next to my babies and licks their toes and cuddles them. My boys Love him. I love him. He was my first baby. Is it because I don't give him enough attention? I can't have this happen again. Tears, tears, guilt, and more tears.
When we got home I let Hendrix in and watched him very closely. He laid on the ground and I could tell he was upset. Liam walked a few feet away from him and said "Hendrix I'm sorry I touched your food, don't scratch me again OK boy?" Throughout the day I kept Liam with me if Hendrix was nearby. I mean I usually can be on one floor while Liam and Hendrix are alone on the other. I have seen Liam ride Hendrix like a horse, play doctor on him, pull his tail and smother him with blankets and hugs. Hendrix is a good dog. It was a bad day, but part of me can't let go what happened. For now we are just watching him very close and hoping it never ever ever happens again. And from now on Hendrix will be eating in the rain.
Liam's sugar kicked in when we got home and he was to active that his wound started bleeding again so I made a big cozy bed on the couch and told him today we are snuggling and watching TV all day. I took one last picture of him post glue. Poor baby boy looks like harry potter.
Oh and as far as the throwing up part of being a mom...
